


The ABC's of Life

by 9r7g5h



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-26 05:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 11,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9r7g5h/pseuds/9r7g5h
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Surprisingly, they could place every important event of their lives in alphabetical order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Adventure-Although they did not know it, their lives were about to become almost more of an adventure then they could handle.

Blood- Although they had both seen blood before, the sight of each other’s still made them slightly woozy.

Cute- Although she would never admit it, Kensi could never deny to herself that she actually liked it when Deeks called her ‘cute.’

Date- When he had jokingly asked her out on a real date, he had never expected that she would say “Yes.”

Elephant- They both knew they had to address the elephant in the room, but neither of them knew how to begin.

Favorite- The day Deeks found out her favorite candy, he made it his mission to make sure some of it was always on hand, just to be on the safe side.

Game- In a way, it was a game they played, seeing who could get the other to crack first.

Hamster- Amazingly, it was a hamster that allowed Deeks to see her without her walls.

If- Sometimes, when the wall their secret puts but between them and the others becomes almost too large to climb, she wonders if it’s worth it.

Justice- Even Deeks’ wildest dreams could never have done the real thing justice.

Kiss- Kensi craved a lot of things, but most of all she craved his kiss.

Lost- Throughout the many moments that they had had during their relationship, the best ones just so happen to occur when they were ‘lost.’

Miscarriage- it was truly the most terrifying moment of her life, mainly because she had no clue what was happening to her.

Negative-After their loss, there was a field of negative space surrounding them, breaking their hearts a little bit more every time the other pushed them away.

Open- It was not until she completely opened herself up to him that the healing truly began for both of them.

Positive- If there was one thing he was positively sure of, it was that they were screwed.

Question- It was the one question that, without thinking about it, Kensi said ‘yes’ to.

Reasons- They all had their reasons for the things they did, just some of them made less sense than the rest.

Sing- It was not until her life had been threatened that Kensi heard Deeks start singing.

Tradition- They were actually very traditional, just not in the traditional way.

Underwear- The moment she saw her bachelorette gifts, Kensi knew they would soon go to good use.

Venus- In his eyes, not even Venus could compare to Kensi’s smile.

Wedding- The day Deeks got to see Kensi walk towards him garbed in white has taken its place as one of the best days of his life.

Xylophone- Although she thought she had known everything about her husband, it truly was not a surprise when she found out that he could play the xylophone.

Year- Before either of them knew it, an entire year had gone by in the blink of an eye.

Zebra- Although she was exhausted beyond all belief, Kensi could not help but smile when she saw him carrying that stuffed zebra under his arm, his goofy grin wide as he took in the sight of their newborn baby girl.


	2. Adventure

When Kensi had first laid eyes upon him, she hadn’t seen a potential partner who would one day become the man she trusted almost as much as she trusted herself. Instead, she saw nothing more than a junkie wanna-be boxer who was standing in the way of her investigation.

Deeks just saw another hot body that his undercover persona wanted in bed, another woman to use and let loose as they tried to hitch their name to his supposedly rising star. He didn’t know that she would become one of the few women who could leave him tongue tied and silent with just a single look, nor that he would one day trust her to be the gun that would save his life a dozen times over.

But, as Deeks would one day point out as they sat together on her couch, watching America’s Next Top Model and drinking beers after a particularly long day, “That’s just the adventure of life.”

She would agree, but only after smacking him in the face with one of her many throw pillows for being so cheesy.


	3. Blood

“Kensi, stop; you’re bleeding.”

Deeks had long ago lost count of the number of times he had seen blood, the beads of red that had appeared on his mother’s skin after one of his father’s bad days just the beginning of his familiarity with the substance. Gunshots, knife wounds, paper cuts; he had seen it all, and had learned to no longer let it phase him. It was just part of the job, and he would have been forced to quite a long time ago if he hadn’t been able to ignore it.

“Deeks, it’s just a graze, I’m fi-“

“ _No_ , you’re not. Come here.”

Deeks had learned a long time ago not to let blood bother him, but as he shrugged off his over shirt and pressed it against his partner’s temple, he could only just swallow the bile that burned his throat, the wince of pain that crossed her face only making it worse. When it came to her, his witty, sarcastic, bombshell of a brunette partner, blood wasn’t just blood; it was hers, and while she claimed she was fine, that made it all the worse for him.

At least he could just clam that he was returning the favor if anyone ever asked, for she had done the exact same thing last week when he had been grazed by a bullet and she had freaked out about the spot of red that had stain his favorite blue shirt black.


	4. Cute

Kensi _hated_ being called ‘cute.’

Her father had raised her to be tough, strong, a force to be reckoned with if the situation came to it. Her looks had never been part of the program, though she had come to realize early on that she did look good and could use that to her advantage. So, she could deal with adjectives like ‘hot’ and ‘beautiful,’ for if they helped to make her job that much easier, then so be it.

‘Cute,’ however, was an insult. Puppies were cute. Newborn babies-when they weren’t cry or making messed of themselves-were cute. She was not cute, and she had proven to her coworkers, criminals, and the occasional semi-innocent bystander that calling her that was enough to get their faces broken. Or, in the bystander’s case, at least a nasty look that had them quivering in their overly priced sneakers and cheap dress shoes.

Yes, Kensi absolutely _hated_ being called ‘cute.’

“You’re looking cute today, Kens,” Deeks said as she walked in, her hair in a messy ponytail and clad still in her gym clothes. “Adorable, even.”

“Oh, shut up,” she growled, tossing a candy wrapper at him as she went about pulling out a change of clothes and a towel so she could go use the showers. “And you, too.” Reaching out to ruffle his hair as she walked past, Kensi couldn’t help but laugh as he started complaining about it, griping about how long it had taken him to reach that ‘perfect’ beach boy look.

Normally, Kensi hated being called cute; but, when Deeks was the one doing it, she was more amused than anything else. Partly because she could tell he was kidding, and partly because she wasn’t so sure if he really was.


	5. Date

“You know, not telling me what you’re doing tonight is just going to make me wonder even more, and I really don’t think you want my mind going where it’s going to go.”

Smirking at the glare Kensi shot him as they slid out of her car, Deeks couldn’t help his impulsive shrug as he waited for her answer, his face becoming deceivingly innocent as she remained silent. He’d overheard her and Nell talking that morning about their plans for the weekend, and ever since he hadn’t stopped bothering her, methodically pushing her buttons in an attempt to get her to break.

“I already told you I’m not doing anything, Deeks,” Kensi growled as she slammed her door shut, her glower darkening at the unbelieving look his features took on. “A Disney marathon, maybe, but other than that I literally have nothing to do. Why can’t you just accept that?”

“Because you’ve had a date every Friday night for the last three months,” Deeks replied cheekily, “and you really expect me to accept you’ve broken that streak? Come on, Kens, it’s me; you know this is a no judging zone, you can tell me who you’re going out with. Oh,” he added with a wince, “unless it’s that creep from the store. It’s not, is it, because if it is then I’m going to have to judge.”

“It’s no one,” Kensi hissed from between clenched teeth, her look a warning to back off. Of course, he wouldn’t, but at least he was getting good enough at reading her to recognize it. “I don’t have a date.”

“Then you should go out on one with me.”

Instant silence fell between them as the words finished leaving his mouth, leaving the pair shocked and wide eyed as they waited for the other to do something to fix the line he’d just crossed. They were friends, partners, Hetty’s number one team (a claim highly disputed by Sam and G.), so them spending a night hanging out together wasn’t unheard of. The way he’d said, though…

“You know,” he added awkwardly, hand running through his hair in an attempt to look less intimidated and more like he actually knew what he was doing, “so you can keep your record intact. Sam’s actually getting jealous, you know.”

“I know,” Kensi said with a forced smile, one that nonetheless allowed the tension to drain from the air. They hadn’t dodged the bullet; no, this was way too big for them to laugh about and shrug off. But they had managed to at least pause it, and for that he was thankful.

Thankful, until Kensi opened her mouth and kept on talking.

“Which is why you’re going to pick me up at seven.”

“Wait, Kens,” Deeks backpedaled as his partner walked away, hips swaying as she headed into the nondescript building that served as their headquarters, “you know I was joking, right? Right?”

He never got an answer.


	6. Elephant

“Kens…”

“No, Deeks. It never happened, so drop it.”

“But it did,” Deeks sighed as the car came to a stop, jolting him against the belt as she turned to look at him, “and pretending it didn’t won’t help.”

“It’ll help us keep our jobs, and me my sanity,” Kensi replied, her voice a low growl. Everything about her was a warning: the tone of her voice, the way her shoulders had tensed at the sound of his own, the way her hands had clenched around the steering wheel as they waited for the red to turn green- all of it said ‘back off or else.’ He, however, wasn’t willing to follow her silent commands this time, and so pretended he didn’t see them.

“So what do you want us to do, Kensi,” Deeks asked, mussing his hair in frustration at her words. “Pretend Friday didn’t happen? Well, excuse me, princess, but it did, and we have to deal with it. Either we ca-“

“Fine,” Kensi cut him off, slamming the pedal against the floor as the light turned, throwing him back against the seat as she took off, “you want to talk about this? Okay. You start.”

“I…” His voice trailing off as he realized that he had no clue what to say, his own look turned into a glare as Kensi laughed, the sound humorless. “Well, I…”

“We’re not talking about this, Deeks. We’re just not. It never happened.” Her words were final, a decision made that he’d been left out of. As far as Kensi Blye was concerned, Friday was to be erased from their minds and never brought up again.

Too bad it’d been the greatest night of his life.


	7. Favorite

Deeks, though he may not seem like it, was very observant.

When Eric’s crush on Nell had grown beyond that of simple admiration, he’d been the first to slap the techno geek on the back and tell him to go for it-in his own round-about way, of course. When Sam was worried about a case following him home, thus prompting the man to sleep on the couch in their office instead of risking his (very capable; Deeks was sure Sam was just being overly concerned) wife and children, he’d provoke him into a verbal confrontation, if just to take Sam’s mind off of their situation for a few moments. And, when the creases around Hetty’s mouth and eyes tightened ever so slightly, he jumped to complete whatever it was the woman wanted done. He’d never seen Hetty act on her anger, but, going off of the stories, he never wanted to.

That woman was terrifying to begin with; he didn’t need any more fuel for his nightmares.

So, despite his laid back attitude and fluffy hair, Deeks was very observant. Which meant, within a month of them being partnered, he knew exactly what Kensi’s favorite candy was.

It honestly wasn’t hard to figure out. Kensi Blye, while an amazing special agent, had something of a hoarding problem. She kept everything; trash, if only because she was too lazy to throw it away when a trashcan wasn’t right next to her, was no exception. Not the best for sanitary reasons, but, for Deeks, it had helped make things really easy.

When over half of the piles he’d cleaned up for her after getting tired of having to push them out of his seat consisted of one specific type of candy, it was a pretty save assumption to make that it was her favorite.

So, he stocked up. If someone had asked him why, he wouldn’t have been able to say anything other than because he felt like being nice, but once that revelation had been made, he made sure to keep a good stock of it in the bottom drawer of his desk. This way, whenever it became clear that Kensi had run out-usually shown by frantic searching, followed by low cursing as she made due with something else-he could sneak a piece or two into her gym bag.

Really, it was just to see her smile, but it also helped to keep him on her good side, for, although he had no proof, he was pretty sure that she knew.


	8. Game

He was always the one to start, a smartass remark about her clothes or the girl they’d passed on the way to work her signal that it was about to begin.

She’d respond with a comment about his hair, always a sore subject between them; mainly just because it amused her how much time he’d put into it looking right when half the time she just pulled hers back into a ponytail and was done with it, but that’s beside the point. Her low blow would bring up a mention of her latest date, and, for a while, they’d back off.

At lunch they would pick back up, drawing Sam and G into the mix as they stole bites of each other’s food and berated them for it, his and Sam’s health kick cringing at the grease/sugar filled crap the others decided enough for their stomachs. He’d remind her that she wouldn’t be a size zero forever, to which she’d just happily continue to eat the leftover donut from that morning, laughing as she pointed out that, despite his whole sepal on eating healthily, she’d still beaten him in the gym that morning.

“I went easy on you and you know it.”

“Yeah, sure you did. Just keep telling yourself that, Deeks.”

She’d win that round, tying them one-to-one for the day, at least until they found themselves side by side on her couch, beer in hand and her latest guilty pleasure playing in the background. She would lean her head against his shoulder and curl into his side, a small sigh leaving her lips as, for the first time since she’d woken up that morning, she finally relaxed. He’d respond by wrapping his arm around her, a protective gesture he knew she hated but tolerated for him, a private win that never counted toward their overall score. From there they’d wait, small talk and banter filling the commercials between strutting model hopefuls and time traveling aliens. Occasionally they’d try to provoke the other, each eager to claim victory, but, more often than not, they’d wait.

To be completely honest, Deeks never had a clue who’d win in the end, for when he would finally give in and kiss her, his mind would be on far more important things than keeping score.

He’d ask, but that’d just be another point in her favor, and even if she already was, he wasn’t going to let her win their little game.


	9. Hamster

Every few days her root took her past a pet store, and every few days, Deeks watched as Kensi, already at risk of being late for work, pulled over and went in to look at the animals.

For the most part, her interest level was low, just a general love of cute and fluffy animals drawing her in to see the newest stock. With disinterest clear on her face as she watched the puppies and kittens tumble together in a ball of fur and a similar look given to the birds, rabbits, and fish as they ignored her in turn, no one even bothered to offer her help in finding anything. She obviously wasn’t looking for a pet, and so would have been a waste of their time.

The moment their backs were turned, the employees busying themselves with customers that might put a paycheck in their pocket, she would make her way over toward the rodent section of the store and watch the hamsters.

She’d had one as a pet, Deeks later found out, his habit of charming the woman who ran personnel into letting him take a quick peek at the files informing him of the piece of her past she had yet to mention. A hamster that had been eaten by her friend’s cat, Nate had been careful to note, a gruesome fate that had even him cringing for the long dead creature. Ever since she’d had a soft spot for the breed of tamed rodents, a desire for one that she’d never acted upon.

Deeks would eventually find all of that out later, after the two of them had been partners for the many years to come. All he’d known then, watching her from his hiding place so she wouldn’t realize he’d followed her, was that it was obvious she wanted one, and wasn’t going to buy it herself.

So, he’d fixed the wanting look in her eyes, and, Monday morning, Kensi walked into work to find a cardboard box waiting for her on her desk.

_Hi! My name is_ FUZZY WUZZY _and I'm a_ GOLDENTEDDY BEAR HAMSTER.

Below the identification tag on the box an extra note had been taped to the side, the message scrawled in a messy combination that had become so familiar to her over the time she had worked with its writer.

_Daddy Deeks already promised me that my older brother Monty wouldn't eat me, so what do you say Kensi? Will you be my mommy?_

Chuckling, Kensi carefully tucked the extra note Deeks had left for her into her pocket, making sure it was hidden from sight. Tilting the box so she could better see him, a soft smile crossed Kensi's lips as Fuzzy poked his nose between the bars, carefully examining the scent that wafted off the finger she held up for him to smell. Reaching in so she could rub his head, Kensi let an amused sigh fall from her lips as she shook her head at Deeks' antics.

She would keep the hamster, but ‘Daddy Deeks’ would be hearing from her later about the proper way to buy someone a pet that didn’t include dropping it on their desk and running away.


	10. If

“So, do you have any plans for this weekend?”

Nell’s question was casual, innocent, the sort any friend might ask another on a Thursday afternoon as they filled out their paperwork, waiting for the day to end. It was the sort that, had it been asked a couple of months ago, Kensi would have shrugged at and answered, slightly curious as to whether or not Nell was doing something of her own. The kind of question she used to wait for, for, as private of a person she was, she usually did like talking to the technical wizard beside her.

“No. Why?” Kensi’s voice was clipped and short as she spoke, defensive in tone while the glance she shot at her was cool and calculating, wondering at the reason behind the woman’s small talk. Did she know? Had she guessed? Would… Her train of thought trailing off at the hurt look that flashed across Nell’s face, her stomach sank from guilt.

“Just asking, Kensi. No need to be so snippety,” Nell replied, turning her back and walking away without giving the other woman another chance to talk. It was obvious to her that Kensi was hiding something, something that had been bothering her for the past while, but if she didn’t want to talk, well, Nell knew her place.

It was then that Kensi began to wonder if everything-their lies, the fake dates to throw off suspicion, and the broken trust that would eventually come when they were found out-was actually worth being able to call him hers.


	11. Justice

She didn’t look like the type, but Kensi _did_ , in fact, use perfume.

When Deeks had first found out this deep, dark secret of hers, he had bit his lip and put the bottle back into her gym bag, deciding to set his knowledge of it aside for a rainy day in their relationship. They had only just been partnered up to work together, and while most of their conversations did consist of almost playful pokes and prods at the other, she didn’t need to know he was going through her things.

Not just yet, anyway.

So he pushed it to the back of his mind, saving it for the moment the perfect comment would be needed, a single line that would win him their little game for weeks to come. Kensi Blye would have no other choice but to bow before his ultimate skill in word craft, his natural ability to create comebacks on the fly, and all would be well in his world.

It would be a day to remember for posterity, and he was just _waiting_ for it to come.

He never got the chance, for just a few weeks after he found the bottle, Kensi _hugged_ him and he smelled its contents.

He had no clue what it was supposed to smell like, no idea what it was supposed to even be, but even in his wildest dreams he never could have conjured up the way she smelled, his nose buried into her hair as he held her. A mixture of whatever was in the bottle and just _her_ , something he never could have done justice even if he had tried. A smell he wanted on his pillow in the morning and his shirts at night, just so it would never fade from his mind.

He never got to use his comeback, for every time he thought of that bottle, her scent assaulted him just as strongly as the first time, and he became distracted by the desire to smell it again.


	12. Kiss

When Kensi had a craving, she didn’t deny it.

If she wanted a piece of candy, she ate one. If she wanted a donut, she either got one herself or delegated the task to the closest person heading to a convenience store, a five tucked into their hand as compensation for the favor. If she wanted to smother her sandwich in cheese and wrap the entire thing in bacon, you bet your butt she was going to.

Their job had taught her many times over life was too short to spend it unhappy, and with the required hour at the gym in place to keep her from feeling guilty about it later, she acted on all of her cravings the moment she became aware of them.

Except for one, which frustrated her greatly, seeing as how it was a craving that _never_ went away.

Normally she just pushed it away, forcing her mind to focus on the task at hand so she wouldn’t act on the little voice in the back of her mind. She’d engage Nell in some mindless conversation about their personal lives that would need to be decoded later, or she ate in front of Sam, something _guaranteed_ to get her a lecture to ignore. Sometimes she even drank tea with Hetty, a dangerous pastime at best when her mind was clear; almost down right suicidal when she was distracted.

Sometimes, however, she couldn’t help herself when the opportunity presented itself before her.

“So, partner,” Deeks said as he slid into her car, the door closing behind him, “where are w- _mphf!“_

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day,” Kensi sighed as she finally pulled away, her eyes opening to find that his own were still closed, his mouth slightly open as he brain struggled to catch up with her. Straightening forward, she turned on the car and began to back out, acting as if nothing had happened. “Suicide over on Davis that Hetty thinks might really be a murder. We’re going to check it out.”

“You always know exactly what to say to keep the mood going, Kens. _Exactly_.”

“Just a talent of mine,” she teased. “Now, how about you put those lips of your to work for once and read me the directions on how to get there.”

Kensi had many cravings, most of which she satisfied instantly. Her craving for Deeks’ kiss, however, was one that grown over the years to become insatiable, though she was willing to try.


	13. Lost

“Would you just pull over and ask for directions already?”

“We don’t need to ask for direction, Deeks,” Kensi hissed as she made another turn, the list of instructions clenched in one of her hands as she tried to read them and drive at the same time. It had been his job to read them to her before they had found the road before them blocked, and ever since she’d decided to take a ‘detour’ to get around the construction instead of just waiting for the traffic to clear like a normal person, she’s taken control of the navigator’s job as well. “I have my instructions, I’ve seen more maps of this city then you can count; I know where I’m going.”

“So that’s why we almost passed the city limits sign. Again.” His tone was annoyed, obviously angered she wouldn’t just admit for once she was wrong and ask for help, but the chuckle that came after as she glared at the driver who cut her off was enough to make him feel a bit better about the situation. At least he wasn’t the only one upset; misery loved company, and, between the two of them, they had a whole party going on.

“Is that a seven or a five…” Kensi grumbled a moment later as she pulled to a stop, the red light before her finally giving her a chance to decipher her own handwriting. Tilting her head to see if the illegible number made any sense sideways, she didn’t notice when Deeks began to move, his soft shuffle not enough to break her concentration. She _did_ notice, however, when her car began to beep at her, its soft alarm a warning the passenger side door was open and her blonde companion was missing. “What…”

“Donut cart,” Deeks huffed a moment later as he slid back in, a small box perched in his hands just as the light turned green. Buckling back up, he waved at the woman behind the portable counter as they drove by before opening the top, waving the smell toward her as he picked out a large, chocolate covered disk. “Fresh made not even ten minutes ago, if her sign is to be believed. Which I think it is; she seemed like a trustworthy woman, and they were cheap too. Here.” Tearing the list of directions out of her hand, he forced the treat into it instead, smiling as she automatically moved it to take a bite. “Good, huh?”

“Deeks, these are delicious!” She was honestly surprised; the normally health conscious man rarely bought food like this, pointing out useless things like sodium levels and trans fats whenever she accompanied him shopping, but it was a good surprised. One that had her taking another bite when the first was only half chewed, an action she knew would cause him to wince but that she didn’t care enough to stop. “Get one for yourself?” Her words were slightly garbled, but he understood, pulling out a pink one with sprinkles for himself. “You are such a girl.”

“And you’re the guy that got us lost,” he snorted in reply, leaning over to swipe away a bit of chocolate that had gathered at the corner of her lips. “Mmm, Kensi flavored,” he teased as he licked it off his thumb, “almost as good as this strawberry icing I got here.”

“Well, if getting us lost means junk food, I’ll do it all the time,” she said calmly, taking another bite of her own to calm the racing of her heart. “And _almost_ ,” she added indignantly as she pulled to a stop, turning to frown at her partner. “I taste _better_ is what you mean. An-“

“You’re right, Kens,” Deeks sighed a moment later, pulling away from the kiss as cars behind them started to honk their horns, the light green again and waiting for them to go, “ _much_ better.”

If this was what was going to happen every time she got them lost, she was going to have to do it a lot more often. The donuts really made it worth it; the kiss was just extra.


	14. Miscarriage

_“Kens, hold on.”_

_“What’s wrong with her?”_

_“Deeks! Move!”_

The words around her were muffled as she stared at her hands, light glistening off the reddish tips of her fingers. Part of her knew she should be listening to them, that the voices around her were far too panicked to be real, to be theirs when nothing was wrong. Part of her wanted to yell for them to shut up so she could focus, the pounding in her head already hard to think through without the ringing in her ears from their screaming.

_Which made no sense, for how many times had she fired a gun without ear protection and been perfectly fine? How could they be so much louder than her glock?_

“Kensi, sweetie, you’re going to be okay, okay? You’re going to be fine.”

His was the only voice that was clear, the only voice that made any sort of sense, and as his hands closed around her own, spreading the color from her skin to his, Kensi could only listen as instructions were yelled, orders given, and nothing all tried to make sense at once.

She was scared, frightened not by the confusion around her, but because she could hear in his own voice just how terrified Deeks truly was.

And she was petrified by it.


	15. Negative

He tried to hug her. She let him, but only for a moment; then he was pushed away like the plate of chocolate he’d left on her desk her first day back.

He tried to get her to talk, to say the words he _knew_ had to be on her mind, but she refused. She hated being weak, hated feeling like she had to lean on him to keep going, and knew that, were she to speak, she’d never stop. So, for her own sake, she remained silent.

He tried to get her to go out with him, to spend a night together and away from work to just hang out like they used to. She filled her nights with Nell and random men she found at bars, dancing away the hours until she finally went home alone, though he never knew she was. He thought she’d given up on them.

She tried to get him to smile, to joke and laugh the way he used to before, when things were a lot simpler and they were just partners, nothing more. He shrugged off her insults and jabs, pointing out details and ideas for their case instead, determined to finish each day before they became too close.

She tried to get him to eat, parading his favorites under his nose, a constant battle against the weight he’d lost. Not much, not enough to hurt, for even when she was unsuccessful, Sam or G would find a way to stuff a burrito into him, but enough to harden him. Sometimes, he actually looked like the criminal he occasionally played, and it scared her. Even if she ignored him, she wanted her Deeks back, just so he’d be there.

She tried to get things back to the way they were before, before they’d gone out, before their weekend, and before everything else. She tried to pretend it’d never happened, tried to forget it ever had, but he wouldn’t let her. Both of them knew, both remembered, and both had to deal.

Until then, everything would just stay negative.


	16. Open

“I’m sorry.”

For once Deeks didn’t need to ask what her apology was for, her behavior over the last few months still fresh in his mind. Not saying anything, the tone of her voice making it clear she didn’t want him to speak, he shifted in his seat, turning to face her as he waited for her to continue.

“I’m sorry. Just…I’m sorry.”

“Me too, Kens,” Deeks said softly, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close so she was against his side. Neither needed any more than that, both hearing everything else in those few words spoken. “Me too.”

Neither spoke for the rest of the night, instead just sitting on her couch, staring at the television as it cycled through reruns and outdated commercials, not caring enough to change it to something they might like. Really, they were both just glad to be with each other, and that she had opened up the lines of communication.

They’d get through this. Now that they were talking, they knew they would.


	17. Positive

“What do we have, Deeks?”

“Between the two of us? Two guns, three knives, a pair of broken cells and no ammo.”

“How many guys do you think are out there?”

“From what I could see when they weren’t firing on us, a dozen, maybe more. If we’re lucky.”

“Any idea where Sam and Callen are?”

“From what Nell and Eric said before we lost contact, bogged down on the other side of town. Half an hour, at least, before back up’ll get here.”

“Think we can take them?”

“Positive.”

“Really?”

“Positive we’re screwed, but yeah, I think we can take them. Up for the challenge, Kens?”

“If we live, you so owe me lunch.”

“I’ll buy you a donut.”

“Deal.”

Later, when they were being treated for bullet wounds, broken bones, and more minor injuries then they could count, Deeks would hobble down to the nearest convenience store, buy a donut, and stick a post-it note on it that would say _Hey, at least we won._


	18. Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So, I’m finally going to get around to finishing this. Whoo! I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA.

She'd finally woken up.

It'd been weeks- weeks of surgeries and medications fed through the IV drip in her arm, weeks of hoping and praying and eating through vacation days so he could sit by her side, but she'd finally woken up. Woken up dazed and confused, annoyed and pained from the dozen of tubs she'd been connected to to keep her alive, but still.

Kensi had woken up, and Deeks couldn't be happier.

It took a while, for things to calm down- from the moment she had squeezed his hand, her eyes sleepily blinking at him, it had been a whirlwind of doctors and questions and checkups, of visitors trying to get in to see her, all while she tried to gain some bearing of where she was, what had happened, and why half of her was in a cast. But soon enough it calmed, the doctors seemingly satisfied for now with her answers, most of the visitors kicked out with the nearing end of the day, leaving just them.

And Deeks found himself without words.

It had been easy to talk at first, filling her in on what she had missed- Hettie's arrest, the fallout from their little stunt, the sheer amount of paperwork the team had been filling out to keep them off the streets; he had even managed to work in a joke about how her coma had been well timed. But now that it was just the two of them, their friends and family and loved ones gone, he couldn't find words.

So he didn't. Instead he just reached into his pocket, pulled out the little black box, and settled it into her hands.

"I had been planning on asking you, when we got back to the states," Deeks admitted, sniffing slightly. He couldn't meet her eyes- this was nothing like what he had hoped it would be. There was no romantic dinner, no dancing in the moonlight to their favorite slow song, no sweet white wine sitting on the table as he got down on one knee, nothing. It was him and her in a hospital room, the least romantic thing he could think of.

But he had almost lost her, and he had to.

Though he didn't need to say anything more. Kensi, without even opening the box, leaned over and placed a gentle kiss against his cheek, smiling as her lips met weeks' worth of scruff.

"You've been telling everyone you're my fiancé for a while now," Kensi teased as she pulled away, though her eyes were misty as she looked down at the still closed box. "We might as well make it official, right?"

"Right."

And they did, Deeks sliding the ring onto her finger, Kensi almost murdering him as she realized the price of the ring, her absolute disgust as he told her the little story that went behind it, ending in laughter that almost made her ribs hurt, that forced a nurse to come in and tell them to quiet down or he would have to leave.

They made it official, in that little hospital room, that they were going to get married.


	19. Reasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Another!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA.

She always left the room a mess.

Growing up, Kensi had gotten used to the yearly purge of things that was her life. Being a child of a service member did that to you, made you well aware of what could fit in a suitcase or a car, of the exact amount of space you had to pack up your things before you had to go. She had gotten used to it, and by the time her father died, by the time she was living on the streets, that served her well. She could fit everything she needed into a backpack, could travel light as she searched for something to call home, and it worked.

But now that she was settled, now that she had a home and someone to come home to, now that she no longer had to worry about keeping her world on her back, she had gained things. Stuff and things and knick knacks that covered every surface possible. Things that piled up in corners and on counters until she finally swept ninety percent of it into the garbage.

It reminded her that there was something solid, that she _could_ have somewhere safe and sound and entirely her own, so she let it. As much as it annoyed Deeks, as much as the others complained it wasn't the healthiest thing in the world, or even remotely sanitary, she let it happen.

And Deeks let it happen too. It took him a while to understand- he had always known a home, had always been settled in his ways and the ways his parents had taught him. Had grown up tripping over his family's things when they weren't put away properly, and had grown up knowing how to organize messes into something that resembled clean, even if half of it was just sorted piles shoved in corners. Deeks had grown up knowing this, and so to walk into a home that looked like a disaster zone had bugged him.

But he had come to understand. Just like she came to understand why she would sometimes wake up with his fingers at her throat or around her wrist, silently counting to himself the number of beats he could feel. Just like she came to understand his constant texts whenever they were away from each other for more than a few days, when it wouldn't blow an op. Just like she understood the way he would pull her close and whisper, softly, so softly he thought she couldn't hear but she did, "Please don't leave me."

They both had their reasons, and they both came to understand.


	20. Sing

"Kensi, Deeks, Sam and Callen should be there soon, so just keep them bust until they get there." Eric's voice hissed into their ears, the clacking of his fingers typing away at the keyboard a constant thrum in the background. Biting her lip to keep the grim smile off her face, Kensi allowed herself a slight nod that she knew he had no way of seeing; the movement was for her own comfort. His demand was easier said then done, but really, what other choice did they have?

If the man standing before her had any say in it, there was none.

What had started out as a seemingly open-and-shut murder of an enlisted Marine had quickly twisted into a full out nightmare, the kind that involved lots of drugs, lots of human trafficking, and more dead bodies then their morgue could hold. It was the kind of horror movie that, after the group had stupidly broken up to search separate parts of the house, one set of teens ended up dead because they never saw the killer coming. Unfortunately, it seemed as if she and Deeks were the ones who drew the short straws, went into the basement, and had met the monster face to face.

If the others didn't get there soon, it would be the same monster that would eat them.

"So, how are we going to do this," Deeks finally spoke up, his voice loud in her ear as he tried to catch the attention of the two men that had taken them hostage, his tone a mixture of sarcasm and boredom. "Are the two of us going to get bathroom breaks everyone once in a while, or are we just going to stay tied back to back like this, 'cause if we are, you could just kill me now."

"Quiet." The man's voice was hoarse, deepened by panic. He wasn't a fighter, had been handed the gun by someone else while they went to try and take care of their breach, but he was clearly little more than a kid. He was scared, holding the gun gingerly, as if terrified it would turn and bite him if he gave it the chance. If they could get him to calm down, maybe get him to turn…

"Hey man, I'm just asking," Deeks said, shrugging a little bit. The man didn't scold him again, didn't even seem like he had heard him, so Deeks kept going. "It'd be way gross to make us just sit here, and while I'm sure you don't care, I would really like to avoid a rash down there, if you know what I mean."

The man glared, his eyebrows furrowed in anger, but he said nothing. Just pursed his lips and began pacing, his fingers twitching as he moved.

"You know," Kensi said after a few moments, leaning back so her head gently knocked against the back of Deeks', "it's pretty quiet. Almost too quiet. Think we could fix that?"

"Maybe," Deeks agreed, nodding his head and keeping his voice down. "Let's see if this actually works."

Kensi didn't recognize the words- they were from some random pop song, something she knew she had heard on the radio at some point but hadn't actually paid any attention to. But Deeks clearly knew them- the longer he sung the louder he got, bobbing his head and tapping his toes as he worked his way through the song. And another. And another, until, finally, the many standing by the door turned and stalked towards them, his face twisted.

"Would you just fucking shut up alrea-"

He never finished his thought, the door slamming open, Sam and G and half a dozen other agents storming the room, forcing the man to the ground as one cut their bonds, helping them to stand. Shaking out her wrist, nodding in thanks before grabbing her gear from the table it had been thrown on after she and Deeks had been grabbed.

It was only after she was halfway through her report to one of the agents that she realized this was the first time she had ever actually heard Deeks sing.


	21. Tradition

Every night was exactly the same.

Dinner: a good fifty-fifty between take out and home cooked, depending on how late the case had taken them and whether or not they had managed to get to the store. If they had and something was defrosted, Deeks managed to throw something together that both of them could stand, piling it onto plates when it was done and Kensi finished up with her shower. If they hadn't, well, their favorite Chinese place always knew what they got; they just had to call ahead as they left work and it would be ready for them for pick up by the time they had arrived.

But whichever one they chose, when things were done and over with, they settled down for dinner.

But never at the table. Tables were reserved for guests and parents, not for casual dining experiences after work. Instead, they settled down on the couch, food balanced on their laps or on top of the piles of paper that covered the side tables as they got comfortable. It would take a few minutes, a few minutes of shifting and squirming and almost knocking things over as they tried to find sitting positions that did aggravate whatever newest wounds they had managed to obtain while out in the field. But eventually they would find some configuration that worked and they would settle.

Which would lead to television.

They never watched anything with plot- it was too easy to get lost or fall behind, too easy for the characters and the storylines to get jumbled together into a mess too difficult to figure out. Plus, it took more mental ability than either of them had to keep focused, so plot was out. It had been 'America's Next Top Model,' before the show had been canceled- the worst possible decision the company ever could have made, in their opinion. But they made their nightly viewing work, between new reality shows that had just started up and the occasional episode of Survivor or The Amazing Race, and things worked.

They ate their food, watched the shows, and talked on the commercials, comparing work events when they were separated and old memories when they had spent the day together, just going through what they needed to say so later they could rest.

Sometimes they fought, arguing over everything and nothing at the same time, just trying to find something that would help to calm everything inside. And sometimes they didn't say anything, instead just curling into each other, holding onto each other when their food was eaten, watching the show without any kind of understanding of comprehension of what was going on on the screen.

And, eventually, they would talk again. Not about the past or the present, or the future. It was always about something little- what kind of dog they would get after Monty passed, where they would vacation for their twenty-fifth anniversary, little things that seemed so far off they would never be able to happen. Things that they could only hope for, if they managed to survive long enough with their current occupations. Things they wanted but, on some level, knew they could never have.

It was a bit twisted of a tradition, but it was their nightly one, giving them a little bit of hope that things could turn out the way they were hoping, even if, on some level, they never thought it would.


	22. Underwear

Kensi had protested, but, eventually, Nell forced her to have a bachelorette party.

It ended up not being too bad. Nell and a couple of the other women Kensi had become close with at the office, along with some of the friends she had made at the multitude of classes she had taken over the years. A couple of Deeks' cousins showed up, swelling their semi-manageable numbers into something that bordered almost on chaos, especially when the drinks got started.

But the music was loud, loud enough to drown out the number of times the words "white girl wasted" were said by the various twenty-somethings her fiancé was related to, and for that she was grateful. At least semi-grateful, for it didn't cover the high pitched squeals or the constant whooping that came with it.

But the drinks kept the pounding in her head to a bearable level, and if she didn't think about the fact that these women were going to be her family soon, it wasn't too bad. Dancing, drinking, strippers she didn't have to pay for, and a pretty little tiara that was only kept on by a handful of bobby pins Nell had stuffed into her hair. What more could a girl ask for?

Presents, apparently. Many, many presents, all piled onto the table in the back room, half of them unwrapped and the rest of them thrown into messy bags that did little to conceal what was in them. In fact, there was only one box that was nicely wrapped, the paper almost immaculate with a lovely little bow on top.

Of course, this was the first one she had to open. And while Kensi was not shy, she almost couldn't hold up the slight strip of cloth that would barely cover anything in front of her present company.

"Hetty gave me your measurements," Nell said, flashing Kensi a small smirk and giving her a wink, just tilting her head when Kensi gave her that look of hers. "And she told me to tell you to have fun."

Kensi just couldn't help but laugh and flick the pair of underwear at Nell, who caught them and threw them back, her own laughter almost drowned out by a sudden outburst of catcalls by the others.

They would be put to good use, there was no doubt about that.


	23. Venus

Sometimes, Deeks hated himself for deciding to write his own vows.

They had started out easily enough. Promising to always be loyal, to love her forever, to spend eternity at her side- that general mushy stuff that was easy to get out and on paper. The easy, generally mushy stuff that was so cliché, Deeks had almost gotten sick rereading it. He had thrown the first draft away the next morning, leaving a dozen or so clean sheets for him to start over on.

A dozen or so clean sheets of paper that quickly found their way into the trash as well, each one covered in scrawls of messy writing, all of it worse than the last. He had gotten to the point where he had started copying things from tv shows and movies he had watched years ago, hoping no one at the ceremony would notice his plagiarism. But he would know, and he had thrown those attempts at writing his vows to the side as well, instead starting over every time he sat down and looked at what he had written before.

It was hard to be original. He had never been a writer, had never been someone who could take the words spilling around his mind and turn them into something that fit on paper. That had never been him. His pickup lines he had heard from other people over the years, the series of jokes he told had been found online, and he only got lucky occasionally with puns. His writing, things of his own original making, just didn't exist.

So writing his own vows were hard, especially when so much of what he did write, the cliché and the over used, fit so perfectly.

Kensi was his sun. She was his joy and his love and everything in his life he ever could have wanted. She was heaven and hell and the entirety of the world all wrapped together, becoming the center of his universe. If the ancient gods had been real, he would have probably started a war by stating she out shined them all, brighter than Venus or Aphrodite or any other goddess of love that had been praised over the millennium.

Every thought that had already been said a thousand times over, all of those lines in rom coms and romance novels that made you roll your eyes and gag slightly at how cheesy they were, they all applied to her. Making writing his vows that much harder.


	24. Wedding

Finally, after five years, they were finally getting married.

They hadn't meant to have such a long engagement. When they had initially talked about it after Deeks had proposed, they had originally thought a year. A year to plan and organize and come up with convincing lies for how they had met and knew each other and everything else they couldn't tell normal people without compromising national security. A year to figure out a destination honeymoon and caterers and a baker for the cake- plenty of time for it all.

But with barely any time between cases, and the two of them often too exhausted after work to even want to look at anything to do with numbers or writing or anything like it, they just kept putting things off. And putting them off. And putting them off some more, promising each other that they would get to it next weekend. That next weekend they would go try cakes, or they would look at places to have the reception, or they would do one of the thousands of other things they had written on their lists. They would get to it, they would get to it, they would get to it. Just, eventually.

It didn't help that, while they were putting their own lives on hold, other people's kept going. When they would finally pick a date, friends would come along with something that same weekend. And since the friends had already put so much planning into their own event, and the two of them had barely started, it was no big deal to push it back some, right?

It wasn't, the first time it happened, but by the seventh, the two of them decided they had to take a stand.

They set a date, sent out the RSVPs, ordered the dress, the cake, the flowers, got everything they would need to make sure their wedding went off without a hitch…

And had to push it back another year when a world threatening case popped up on their radar two days before the ceremony, leaving them running around in another country instead of walking down the aisle.

It was infuriating, to say the least, but finally, five years after Deeks had originally slid the ring onto her finger, they were getting married.

And for Deeks, watching as Kensi appeared in her dress, Sam and G on either side to walk with her down the aisle, her smile wide and brilliant and everything Deeks ever could have imagined, it was well worth the wait. Because it was finally their wedding day, they were finally getting married, and he couldn't imagine a more perfect moment than that.


	25. Xylophone

The music shop was old- from the smell alone, Kensi would have placed it at least forty years old, at least. Dust seemed to cover almost every horizontal surface, and she was almost sure the vertical ones as well. Extra instruments were piled into the corners, their black cases gray from the years left alone. She was almost sure rats and cockroaches were running wild and free somewhere in there, excited to be able to run out in the open without any fear of being caught or killed.

"And your cousin used to own this place?"

"Yep," Deeks said proudly, looking around the store in excitement. "Owned it for seven years, before he ran out on the rent. He bought all of the instruments, and since he listed me on his contact info, the owner called and told me to get this place cleared out by the end of the month. Otherwise he's junking it all."

"And that's a bad thing, because…?"

The look Deeks gave her was almost horrified, his hand resting on his heart in mock pain.

"The fact that you, my wife, said that me is seriously giving me trust issues, Kens," Deeks said slowly, shaking his head. "I mean, look at these!" Picking up a small drum, Deeks gently tapped on, snorting as a plumb of dust rose around him. "Other than being a bit dusty," he added, coughing softly, "they're in perfect condition. If Jimmy doesn't come by to pick them up soon, we can clean them up and sell them online somewhere. Maybe it'll even be enough to get you that horse you've been wanting."

"Maybe," Kensi said with a laugh, though it was quickly cut off by her own inhalation of dust, the particles covering her tongue and filling her nose as she knocked the cover off of some sort of stand. Stumbling backwards, she rubbed the dust from her eyes, shaking her head to try and clear it of the age old gunk.

"Hey, a xylophone! I haven't played one of these in years, not since my college days."

Shrugging out of his over shirt, Deeks carefully wiped down the instrument, removing the last traces of dust from the wooden planks and the metal right underneath, leaving it almost spotless- though his shirt would need a good washing if it was ever going to lose the gray sheen it had gained. Picking up and blowing off a few mallets, Deeks shot her a cheeky grin as he twirled them between his fingers, his eyebrow raised as if he was daring her to just try and not be impressed.

Kensi's own look told him she wasn't, and to get on with it already, drawing out a small chuckled from Deeks as he stopped showing off and began to play.

Kensi shouldn't have been surprised that, after all these years, he still remembered how to play, the quite little children's songs slowly turning into more elaborate pieces as he remembered the scales and cords he had undoubtedly spent hours practicing back when he was new to the world of adulthood.

And he got into too, his smile falling as he actually began to concentrate, his hands picking up speed as the old muscle memory found its way back. He actually looked serious, as if the song he was trying to make his way through was the most important thing he had ever done.

For how long they stood there, listening to the music that came from his hands, Kensi wasn't entirely sure. It could have been hours or it could have been minutes, the results were the same- by the time he put the mallets down, off to the side, she had already pulled off her own over shirt, the gray-blue material much more likely to hold up against the dust than his own black had.

"These aren't getting in my car like this," Kensi said, "so let's get started."

Deeks just grinned at her, tapped the xylophone with his nail so one small, final note rang out, and got to work.


	26. Year

Neither of them were good with dates.

Deeks had been, once, able to remember off the top of his head exactly what date it was on any given day. But weeks undercover, when he barely knew whether it was day or night, days when he barely slept because there was just so much going on, months when he didn't take a single day off, all of that combined to make the date meaningless. The most he generally knew was whether it was a work day or not a work day, whether or not he could sleep in instead of having to be up at the crack of dawn to get into the office.

Kensi had never been good with them, had never been able to keep straight if it was a Wednesday or a Monday if it wasn't blaringly obvious on her clock. So, between the two of them, it was a miracle they didn't sleep through a work day.

Not that Eric or Nell ever would have let them, considering they always sent in little wake up texts whenever it seemed as if they were going to be late.

But while they noticed things that were big, like the summer waves falling away into the calm waters of winter and the need for sweaters and tea instead of tank tops and soda, the day to day changing of their lives were only marked by waking and sleeping and eating and the occasional hospital visit when necessary. The days themselves and the numbers given to them by society were mostly loss beyond what they needed for their paperwork, and they were almost never remembered after the papers were finished being filled out.

So, it honestly surprised both of them when they walked into work and found a small pile of gifts sitting on their desks.

"Just a couple of little anniversary gifts," G said with a nod as he passed, heading towards the gym. Sam followed after him, clasping them on the shoulders as he did. "No need to thank us. Just enjoy."

The two just stood there, staring at each other and the pile of wrapped things their friends had left them, both of them trying to race through the dates that had passed, only to end up both coming to the exact same conclusion- it had, in fact, been a year since they had gotten married.

And they began to laugh, the two of them struggling to stand as they leaned against each other and their desks. Pulling each other into a messy kiss, Kensi and Deeks couldn't stop laughing as they realized just what a year it's been.


	27. Zebra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Finally, finally, I'm finishing this. I hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles. CBS does.

She was tired, she was exhausted, and Kensi Blye Deeks, thirteen hours after she had gone into labor, was more than willing to kill her husband.

Happy as she was to watch Hetty hold their newborn baby girl while the nurses helped her get cleaned up, she would have preferred it if it had been Marty doing the honor.

She understood, of course. He'd been undercover for the last two weeks, working with the LAPD one last time before he completely transferred to NCIS on a drug bust, hoping to gain some good credibility with his superiors before he was no longer under their command. He had criminal meetings to go to, heroine smugglers to name and find, and even a pretend girlfriend (his partner) he needed to pretend to be sleeping with. A whole list of things he needed to do in order for this bust to go right, so, yes, Kensi did understand.

That didn't mean she forgave him for missing the birth of their first.

"Hey, sir, you can't just-"

"Out of my way," came his familiar growl, deep enough that, even without being in the same room, Kensi could imagine the cowering orderly who had faced his anger. When he was in character he wasn't one to cross; many people behind bars had learned that the hard way, and he wasn't above using it to get what he wanted on the legal side of things.

"It would seem," Hetty said with a small smile as she returned the infant to its mother, fighting back a laugh that left a small waver in her voice, "that the father is finally here."

"You have a beard," was the first thing that came to mind as he opened the door, a scraggly covering only a few shades darker than his hair catching her attention as he rushed to her side. She'd blame it on the drugs later, but for now she just stared, half reaching out to see if it was real.

"Kens, I'm so sorry," he whispered as he sat beside her, grabbing the hand she held out and pressing a tickling kiss to its palm. He seemed just as tired as she did, dark circles and bags circling his eyes, but none of it showed as he craned his head to look at the bundle she had pressed against her chest. "I came over as soon as I could. What is it?"

"Look at the blanket, idiot," an unfamiliar voice spoke up from the door, Deeks' partner in the bust making herself known. "It's a girl. Congrats." Harshly spoken, but real enough that Kensi offered her a tired smile, one that was returned as the woman left to go wait with Sam and Gee, both of whom had fled when she's started screaming threats at hour five. They'd make great uncles, if she let them live after their teasing at the start of it all.

"A girl? We have a little girl," Deeks whispered, almost as if he was afraid speaking too loudly would wake it. Nodding, she turned the bundle so he could see her face, his lips trembling slightly as he did so. "Kens, she's beautiful."

"Was that ever in question," she asked, moving to lean against him, though her progress was stopped as something dug into her side. Shifting so she could stare at the thing in Deeks' arm, her eyebrow raised as the stripped creature stared up at her. "Deeks, is that a zebra? Why is there a zebra?"

"Some of the guys had been using them to smuggle drugs," he replied slowly, staring at the stripped horse as if he himself wanted to question it. "It's clean, never used, I checked," he added quickly, "so, I thought…"

He never got to finish that sentence, for Kensi, tired as she was, still had enough strength to punch his arm for trying to give their daughter a drug toy. Then just had to sigh and allow it when, a little while later, their little girl started laughing as her father waved it above her.


End file.
